The Perks of Being an Undercover Journalist
by artsyduckpout
Summary: Bella is an aspiring journalist that has recently been given the assignment that could skyrocket her career. Edward is a misunderstood inmate in the prison she has been sent to. Will romance blossom? Of course! Canon couples B/E A/J R/Em Fluffy and funny with no angst and little drama. Lemons later in the story.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys! So this is my first story so I hope you enjoy! :)**

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**BPOV**

Laurent is a douchebag.

Needless to say, when I considered journalism as a career I didn't think that I'd be sent to a random prison in the middle of nowhere to cover a story that ultimately no one will care about. Well, I guess that's the story of my life.

My parents divorced when I was 4 and after a year of briefly seeing other people, they decided that they couldn't live without each other. Let's just say they are still currently 'rediscovering' themselves in the Maldives. So I'm now a 22 year old struggling journalist, still trying to break into this ruthless industry. The only reason that I haven't given up in this seemingly pointless quest is that I have the full support of Alice and Rose, my two best friends who are practically sisters. However, it's easy for them to tell me to 'reach for my dreams' as they've managed to do just that. Alice is currently an extremely successful designer with her brand 'Pixie Dust' and Rose is arguably the most successful female mechanic ever. Another part of my life that they won't stop trying to control is my love life, or rather the fact that it's non-existent. It's not that I don't want to find that special someone, it's just the fact that when your two best-friends are insanely loved up with their soul mates, everyone pales in comparison.

They've attempted to convince me into going on blind dates before. Let's just say after the fifth weirdo, I've refused to cooperate further. Let's start from the first one, eh? There was Sam, a guy who seemed ridiculously sweet at first, but who then proceeded to confuse me when he followed me into the ladies toilets. Anybody guessed it yet? Yep, his name was actually Samantha. It was pretty awkward when I had to explain that I wasn't a lesbian. To this day I still don't know how she managed to convince Alice and Rose that she was a guy.

Then there was Mike. Now, I'm all for personal hygiene but even I think it's a little excessive when you carry a bottle of Dettol around with you, along with a plethora of other cleaning products. It was a major turn off when he proceeded to spray the chairs, the table, and even the food. On the other hand there was Seth, who didn't take personal hygiene far enough. In short, he smelt like a tramp. I think even he was aware of it as he seemed quite intent on sniffing his armpits every 6 minutes and 23 seconds.

Next was Eric. He actually seemed pretty funny and genuine until he broke down halfway through the evening and confessed that he was actually on a date with me because I reminded him of Angela, his cousin, who he had a major crush on. Truth be told, I felt quite sympathetic towards him because unrequited love was always hard to bear, even though his was a little incestuous.

Then number 5, Demetri Volturi, who actually seemed like the best prospect at the beginning of the evening and I was even prepared to go to his house afterwards! However, something was extremely off once I arrived. He had red candles lining his driveway and his whole house was painted black and red, with fireplaces in every single room. I decided to give him a chance; I mean, maybe he was just afraid of the cold. But that really wasn't it. Turns out he worshipped Satan and was actually bringing me home to be a virgin sacrifice. How he knew I was, or rather still am, a virgin is completely beyond me. After those fuckups that attempt to pass themselves off as dates, I haven't even glanced at another guy since, let alone managed to rid myself of my virginal status.

Now, let's depict a prettier portrait of my friends' relationships. Alice and Jasper met when we decided to go watch a boring poetry recital competition. Now, I know what you're thinking, but don't worry, Jasper wasn't a budding poet. He was the entertainment they hired in the interval and after hearing him play his rendition of 'Cannonball' whilst gazing at her with his expressive ice blue eyes, she was done for. Rose and Emmett on the other hand met when I accidentally crashed into his parked Jeep. Technically, it wasn't my fault as Rose was the one who told me to reverse, which is a fact that she will deny until the day she dies. Honestly, I think she'd seen Emmett leave the Jeep and wanted to use my klutziness for her personal gain.

Anyways, I got slightly sidetracked with my 'woe is me' shit. So, I turned up to work yesterday fully expecting another run of the mill story like my previous assignments, and then my boss told me that he had an extremely important task that will be an exclusive story. He gave me the option of backing out but I thought that this would be exactly what I needed to kick start my career. So I agreed to it without even asking for details, an oversight that I am now regretting as I'm about to get in a black SUV with tinted windows.

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_On the previous day…_

Ah shit! I'm running late for work yet again. Is it really my fault that my roommates both pounced on me this morning to tell me about their utterly swoonworthy dates from the night before and then proceeded to tell me in way too much detail about the schmexy times that then occurred? By the time I realised that it was half an hour later than I usually leave the house, it was too late to amend my journey time in order to arrive punctually. I simply embraced the fact that I would be late and took my usual breakfast and coffee run with my best friends in tow. They were once again ranting about the fact that I had no boyfriend and no prospects for one in the near future (a conversation that is becoming extremely repetitive and pointless) to which I politely told them to 'shove it'. After arriving an hour late to work I was promptly called to see my boss. I was completely ready to defend myself and blame my idiotic and overly enthusiastic roommates, but I soon realised after seeing the glee on his face that was replacing the perpetual patronising expression he usually wore that this impromptu meeting had nothing to do with my lateness.

He then began telling me about how he knew a guy called Aro from a rather odd sounding prison that was offering him the chance of an exclusive interview. He obviously jumped at the chance as no other newspaper or magazine in the world had ever managed to get an interview from the elusive inmates. However, he told me that the one condition would be that I would go alone as a single journalist without a team, meaning that any filming or photography needed would be solely done by me. After an intensive training course which should last 3 years but was condensed into one day, I was officially deemed ready to combat the task that any journalist would dream of.

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**A/N So there it is! The first chapter. Hope you guys like it! I would love it if you guys could take the time to review :)**

**(my unofficial beta is my awesome friend Eve (eviemacready on fanfic))**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Hope you guys like the second chapter! **

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**EPOV**

'Get me outta here, 'cause my eyes are burning from this filthy air that I am surrounded by and-'

'Dude, shut the fuck up.' Riley groaned dramatically while clasping his hands to his ears and glaring at me.

'You know Riley, just because you don't appreciate my artistic talent doesn't mean that I'm not a genius in my own right. Every time that I'm on the brink of something amazing you have to interrupt me!' I was seriously getting sick of his moodiness and was contemplating drop-kicking his ass.

'Eddie. I hate to tell you this but your lyrics are really weird and your singing is seriously pitchy. And also, if you were such a genius we wouldn't be stuck here.' He rolled his eyes at me and began muttering under his breath.

'Okay, so I'll admit that it is partially my fault that we're stuck here but-'

'Edwina. It's completely your fault that we're in here.'

'Okay, fine. It's completely my fault. But there is absolutely no need for you to insult my rather remarkable singing abilities.' Seriously though, my singing is amazing. Don't listen to Riley, he has no idea what he's talking about.

'You know what's remarkable? The fact that every single note is either flat or sharp and yet you're a supposed prodigy on the piano. What is even the point of you playing the piano? I know you've got the crazy Beethoven hair but-'

'My hair is not crazy!'

'Okay…you're awfully defensive about it…'

'For your information, loads of people love my hair.' I have no idea why he's commenting on mine. He's practically responsible for all the revenue Walmart receive from hair gel. I'm pretty sure it's gelled solid and will perpetually look like an albino hedgehog.

'Ed, one person does not amount to 'loads'. And I'm not sure if she could even be counted as a person. She looked like Yoda and sounded like Schmiegel.'

'You're an ass. And playing the piano shows that I'm cultured and refined unlike you.' But to be fair, that woman did look like Yoda and although she wasn't green, she was an unattractive shade of lobster red.

'Your comebacks are getting shittier by the day. They're beginning to remind me of my 10 year old cousin's retorts. And besides, bickering is gonna get us nowhere. We should be thinking of an escape plan. Put that pretty little head of yours to good use and get us outta here.' He then rolled over on his bed and his snores proceeded to reverberate around the cell.

I probably should explain to you how Riley and I ended up in this prison. I'm guessing that so far I don't really seem to be portraying your stereotypical criminal; all muscled and covered in obscene tattoos, but trust me, I'm more masculine than a lot of people give me credit for. Besides, don't people always say that the men who are most secure in their masculinity are the ones that are in touch with their feminine side? I do have a tattoo, anyway, a small alpaca at the top of my left arm. Not quite what you'd expect from a supposedly dangerous criminal, but personally I think it's unique and really says something about my personality. No idea what that something is, of course.

Anyway, I'm getting off the point. Rambling seems to have become a habit of mine recently, but I suppose that's just a side effect of being holed up in a prison cell for six months with only your own  
thoughts for company. Well, I do have Riley as well, but most of the time he's no better company than a rock, and about as unhelpful as an inflatable shark in the Sahara.

Riley and I were sent to a Russian drug circle 7 months ago. We were the FBI's newest undercover recruits and this was originally supposed to be an easy mission. The day we were arrested was actually the day our mission was supposed to end, pretty unlucky huh? It was really a stupid mistake on my part that landed us in this godforsaken prison. On the first day we went undercover, the Russians searched us upon entrance and it was pure luck on our part that we managed to hide our FBI badges in our underwear. And yes, it was really uncomfortable. So from then on, Riley and I decided that we would alternate the days in which we'd bring our badges to save both of us having to deal with a potentially dangerous situation residing in our underwear. Namely, certain chafing and scratching going on way too close to the family jewels. Anyway, I digress, 6 months ago, the LAPD decided to do a drugs raid and of course they also found us along with the drugs. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten that it was my turn to bring my badge and of course they wouldn't believe us when we tried to convince them that we were part of the FBI. Instead they read us our Miranda rights and threw us straight into this prison without a trial of any sort. They completely disregarded our specially designed FBI guns and were convinced that we had stolen them and killed the FBI agents they belonged to. Yeah, we thought it was a stupid conclusion too but by that time, we were already stuck in here. We weren't given our legally stipulated phone call, therefore the FBI think that we're either still undercover or that we were murdered. Unfortunately, because this prison allows no contact with the rest of humanity, even if the FBI were to track us down, they would have no way of freeing us. Instead, we're going to have to find an escape ourselves.

Hopefully, I'll have more company soon as rumour has it there will be a new inmate. There's not much information revolving around her appearance; all I know is that her name is Bella. For some unknown reason, the circumstances in which she was arrested and pretty much everything else is ridiculously elusive. She must be an infamous criminal though as this prison is only for the most elite of evil masterminds. Maybe I'll finally meet someone in this hellhole that is on the same intellectual level as me, although I doubt that she'll meet my expectations. After all she is female, well, I hope she's female with a name like Bella and in this line of work; females are notorious for using their womanly wiles to succeed. Maybe she'll just be a pretty face that I can stare at? There aren't many romantic prospects here apart from Bree. She's pretty cute and Riley's really taken with her although he's too macho to actually admit it. She's actually one of the workers and always makes a point to stay a while longer when delivering our food so she can stare at him for an adequate amount of time. I'm certain that she'll eventually be our key to getting out of here, I suppose we could take her with us, she seems too sweet and innocent to stay here forever.

'Ed, you've got that awkward constipated look on your face. You're either about to have a shit or you're thinking way too much for your brain to handle' Riley rolled over and turned to look at me with his hair still perfectly intact.

'Riley, seriously, you need to shut up. I'm still trying to find a way of getting us out of here. Be grateful or help me think. I reckon the key to freedom will either be Bella or Bree.'

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**A/N Hope you guys liked it! Drop a review if you have the time! I'd love to know what you guys think! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**BPOV**

As I was about to get into the SUV, I suddenly heard a terrifying screech that perforated my right ear drum, before I was rugby tackled from the side and forced into a hug that was entirely too tight. Oh god. James found out about my impromptu trip.

Maybe I should explain to you who James is? He's my completely awesome and shamelessly gay best friend. We've known each other since I was 10 and he was 13. We were the typical neighbours that were forced on playdates by our parents, and we grew to become inseparable. He came out to me when he was 17, around the time when our parents were pressuring us to date, and I was his support system when he broke the news to his parents. They were originally disbelieving and thought it was some sort of teen 'experimenting' phase that he would grow out of, but eventually they warmed to the idea and are now completely accepting. In fact, it was actually James who introduced me to Alice and Rose. He met them in Victoria Secrets when he was buying me pyjamas for my birthday and saw them heatedly arguing with the cashier. He said that he knew from the moment he saw them that we were all going to be best friends and as thick as thieves later on. (I've always wondered why the saying is 'as thick as thieves'? I mean, realistically thieves aren't thick, they'd have to be pretty clever, so it should really be 'as thick as a phonebook' or something.) Oh, and James also lives with me, so it's remarkable that he hadn't managed to catch me packing for this trip or acting out of the ordinary. I've been pretty jumpy for the past day and a half.

'Bellsy! I can't believe you were going to leave without me! How could you? I thought we were friends!' he blubbered obnoxiously whilst sobbing into my vintage jumper.

'James. I love you and all, but you're ruining this jumper with your guyliner. Plus, you're blonde; I don't think you'd be able to pull off the panda look. You're getting close to a drowned raccoon though.' I replied, bemused.

'Bells! There's a time for joking and it is not that time right now! Call me a drama queen but you can't just go to the most dangerous prison in the whole of the US and expect me not to worry!' He said whilst still blubbering.

'You're a drama queen.'

'Wow, I have so many cuts from your razor-sharp wit that I'm sure it could be counted as abuse.' He replied scowling at me.

'James. Seriously, what do you want me to do about it?' I was beginning to become impatient as the SUV driver was tapping his watch whilst gesturing frantically.

'Take me with you! It'll be fun, we'll go undercover together! It'll be like those games we played as kids!' He said looking up at me hopefully, batting his eyelashes and pouting

'James! I c-'

'Please, Bellsy. I won't be any trouble at all! I promise! I won't even flirt with the inmates, even though I'm sure they'll all be really buff and chiselled and rugged…' a puddle of drool was slowly forming at the corner of his mouth while his eyes glazed over with lust.

'James. I really c-'

'You know, Bells, I've already talked to Laurent about this and he says it's fine. He doesn't see how the prison could see me as a threat in any way so I have your boss's permission to come with you. All I need is yours now!' He looked up at me with adorable puppy dog eyes, so I did what anybody would do in that situation, I squished his cheeks together and began cooing at him.

'Holy mashed potatoes! Get the fuck off me you psychotic bitch! RAPE! RAPE!'

'James. Shut up. Get in the car so we can hurry up and leave. The driver's getting tetchy.'

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_~2 Hours Later…~_

'B, I know you're just pretending to be asleep. C'mon, talk to me! I'm getting really bored here.'

'James, shut up. I need my beauty sleep.' I said whilst opening one eye and glaring at him.

'Babe, no amount of sleep in the world will ever make you as good looking as me!'

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_~2 Hours After That…~_

'B…I need to pee.'

'James, we had a rest stop about 15 minutes ago. Unless your bladder is the size of a baked bean, there is no way in hell you need the toilet this quickly!'

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_~2 Hours After That…~_

'B…'

'What now?' I opened my eyes to fully deliver the power of my death glare.

'We're here! And I'm sorry you didn't get any beauty sleep' James said apologetically, whilst looking sheepishly at me.

I sighed in resignation as James bounded out of the SUV and I reluctantly shuffled along after him. You'd think after knowing me for 12 years he'd realise that if I don't get any sleep I will undoubtedly turn into a gremlin. But no, he didn't even take my sleep into consideration when he repeatedly jabbered on the way here.

As we were approaching the main gates, I began to realise exactly what I was about to do. If anyone was to find out that I was actually an undercover journalist, I could be in serious danger. Since this is a secret mission, even if I was murdered, no one would ever know! Just as I was on the verge of a panic attack, a soft voice broke into my internal monologue of all the different deaths I could potentially face.

'Hey, you must be Bella and James. I'm Bree! Would you like a tour now or would you like to get settled in first?'

'Urm, could we drop our bags off at our cell quickly and then come back down for the tour?' I asked, whilst smiling and trying my best not to show my internal struggle between staying for the article or just running away whilst screaming and flailing my arms crazily.


	4. Chapter 4

**BPOV**

'James…You know, I'm not even going to scold you because you know damn well what you did was completely unacceptable. We're supposed to be keeping a low profile! Do you have to be so flamboyantly gay?' I was angry. In fact, I was furious. I felt like at any moment I was going to burst out of my clothes, don a pair of ripped purple shorts and roar in his face.

'B. Come on, don't be mad at me! Did you see how fit those guys were?' He pleaded with me whilst attempting to placate me by tidying our cell nervously.

'James, you gave all the 'fit' people our cell number and told them to visit us anytime! If I get raped and murdered in my sleep, I will haunt you for the rest of my ghostly life!' I could feel the beginning of an anxiety attack take over.

'B, there is so much eye candy here it's hard to resist! Besides, I only scoped out the gay ones so you aren't in any danger!' He stated matter of factly, placing a hand on his hip and rolling his eyes at me.

'James, if you've got a revolving door of men here, how am I ever going to write my article?! It's being kept a secret from all the inmates! How am I going to explain all my equipment? I doubt it's the norm for an inmate to have cameras, laptops, voice recorders and the various other shit I have lying around!' I was exasperated and just so damn frustrated with his incapacity to listen to my instructions.

'B. Come on. I think you're being overly dramatic about this whole ordeal. You haven't even met any of these guys in person yet; They could be really nice, for all you know!' He mumbled whilst rummaging through his suitcase for his best pair of jeans.

'I am not being dramatic! I'm just look-' At that moment, mid-rant, I was interrupted by a persistent knocking on our door.

'Alright! Alright! I'm coming.' I opened the door to reveal a muscled, tattooed, hulk of a man and needless to say, I was confused.

'Sorry, do I know you?' I quizzically asked whilst wracking my brain and wondering how I could've forgotten someone like him.

'Oh B, this is one of the guys I met when we were being given our tour. B, meet Quil. Quil, this is Bella, my sister from another mister.' He stated simply by way of explanation whilst gesturing between us with his perfectly manicured hand.

'Oh Jesus. I just give up. I have nothing to say anymore. I'll be back in around an hour. Until then, hasta la vista.' I said whilst tying up my converse, grabbing my phone and walking out of the door in one rather awkward movement. On my way out, I managed to trip over my shoelace and bang my head on the doorjamb.

'Ow…That was more painful than a Brazilian wax!' I felt my forehead and just knew it was already becoming an enticing shade of 'I have just been whacked really hard against something' red.

'Oh wow. Are you okay?' Quil asked whilst flapping his hands around, not knowing what course of action to take.

'Mmhm. I'm great. This happens more often than I'd care to admit. I'll just sit down to get rid of this oncoming concussion.' I muttered while slowly approaching a disturbingly neon green sofa. How have I never noticed that monstrosity?

'So Bella, how did you two end up in here?' Quil asked in a thinly veiled attempt at small talk.

'Urm. How about you tell your story first?' I said, trying to deflect the awkward lying that would have to inevitably take place.

'Sure. So I was always the geeky kid in my class, right? And I was really into computers so, naturally, I studied Computer Science at college. Then one day I just thought, why not try hacking into FBI top secret documents? I wasn't going to pass them on to any criminals or anything. It was more of a reassurance that my skills were amazing. So I managed to hack through 19 of the 20 levels of security before I was detected. Needless to say, the FBI turned up at my apartment the next day and I was arrested. So here I am. I've been stuck here for about a year now. But to be honest, this prison isn't really like a prison at all. The food is great, the company is great, we get to keep a lot of personal items and we're even allowed to have technology like our laptops and such. In my opinion, it's pretty great since my laundry is done for me and I don't have to worry about cooking. So, what about you?' Through the whole story, Quil was the picture of nonchalance, slouched in our armchair with his arms folded behind his head and staring at the ceiling. As he asked this question however, he turned to look at me questioningly.

'Urm. Right. Yeah. So, our story. Mmhm.' I began, desperately trying to come up with a suitable lie as fast as I could.

'Er...It was a dark and stormy night.' I began carefully, attempting to make it sound as dramatic as possible. ' James and I were prowling through our neighbourhood rooftops looking for our next victim. The moon was shining ominously through the clouds, a wolf was howling in the distance. We leapt from roof to roof and tree to tree until we arrived at the White House. We scaled the side of the building by latching onto the poison ivy, we dodged all the invisible lasers and even succeeded in avoiding the guard dogs. We stealthily climbed through an open window and made our way into the President's bureau. I hacked into his computer whilst James looked through important files on the nearby bookshelves. I downloaded all the necessary files onto my memory stick and James used the scanner located inside his watch to make copies of important documents. We were wearing nylon gloves to ensure we wouldn't leave our fingerprints, however as we were escaping, James must have scratched his arm on a jagged bit of the windowsill as his DNA was traced through his blood. After weeks of investigating they also managed to link me as his accomplice. The end of our crime career was nigh. I disposed of the memory stick and James destroyed his watch and now here we are.' I rambled as I spieled as much as I could off the top of my head. I risked a glance at Quil to see if he believed my story. Surprisingly, he was staring at me, enraptured with wide eyes.

'Wow! You guys must have the most interesting story so far in here. Most of us are just the typical computer hackers or thieves but you're in a whole different league. I'm honoured to just be in your presence.' He said in completely misplaced reverence.

'Meh. No biggie.' I said whilst trying to avoid James' off-putting facial expressions.

'You know, I think I might go on my long overdue walk now. You kids have fun and don't do anything I wouldn't do!' I said, shuffling backwards out of the room.

'Well B, that doesn't leave us much that we can do.' James quipped whilst giving me his infamous 'we'll talk later' look.

* * *

I was humming to myself whilst scuffing my converse against the ground when I tripped over a non-existent rock and tumbled face-first into someone. Unfortunately, this person's sense of balance wasn't good enough to avert the impending fall that would occur after I crashed into him, so we both tumbled painfully hard to the ground. As I finally managed to right myself, I began to stand up, before being yanked painfully back down to the ground and crashing into an ungraceful heap directly on top of him.

'Oww.' He groaned.

'Shit. I am so sorry. I'm such a hazard to society that I should be locked up sometimes.' I spouted desperately while trying to untangle my headphones from his.

'Isn't that the whole purpose of a prison? You know, locking up people that are deemed dangerous to society?' Mystery guy said bemusedly, watching me struggle with our headphones.

'You know, since you're on top of me and I'm sprawled out beneath you, I feel like I should introduce myself. I'm Edward.' He said, extending his hand toward me.

'I'm Bella. It's a pleasure to meet you Edward.' I said as I shook his hand. As I raised my head to look at him I saw his eyes widen as he took me in. Of course, me being me, I blushed an extraordinary shade of red. To be quite frank, my first thought was that he looked much too pretty to be in prison.

'So Bella, would you like to get off me at some point in the future?'

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**A/N So there it is, the 4th chapter. I won't be able to update next Sunday as I'll be camping so see you guys the Sunday after. Hope you enjoy my story!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N. Here it is! Sorry about the wait! **

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**BPOV**

My inner fangirl was squealing as I slid down the door and sank into a puddle of incoherentness on the floor.

'B, you're obstructing the door. If there's a fire, no one will be able to get past your fat ass. Can you please melt somewhere else?' James called as he shuffled out of the kitchen in his duckie bathrobe, matching slippers and matching turban, clutching a mug of hot chocolate with mini marshmallows.

'Jamie. He was perfect…' I trailed off dreamily whilst leaning against the door for much needed support.

'Come sit next to Auntie Jamie and tell her all about it. May I also say 'I told you so' since you must have found some delicious eyecandy to snack on.' He stated with a knowing smile whilst patting the space next to him.

'Oh Jamie! He was better than young Hugh Grant and Colin Firth combined!'

'Wow girlie. He must be a big hunk of burning love to affect you this much!' James said seriously before collapsing in a fit of uncontrollable giggles.

'Don't ever use that expression again…that's just too cheesy, even for you.' I said emphatically, shaking my head.

'Enough about me. Let's talk about him. What was he like? How did you meet? What will the babies look like?' James rambled enthusiastically.

'Whoa…Hold up!...The roof. The roof is on fire…IT'S GETTING HOT IN HERE, SO TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES…' I abruptly stood up and began singing and shaking my ass.

'B. Sit the fuck down and tell me about him already. Your avoidance tactics won't work. You're seriously wreaking havoc with my oestrogen levels. I heard that you get fatter when stressed so I will be dragging you with me to my pilates class if I put on weight.' James stated, snapping his fingers in a 'Z' formation and ending with an 'mmhm' and a bop of the head.

'Alright! Alright! Fine. I surrender. Where do I start?'

* * *

_Earlier…_

'So Bella, would you like to get off me at some point in the future?'

'Oh yeah sure. Of course. Sorry.' I managed to stutter out as I struggled to right myself.

'No problem. It's not every day that a guy in here finds a beautiful girl writhing on top of him.' He said, smirking wickedly.

My face flamed an even brighter red as I battled with trying to gain my composure. I finally managed to untangle our headphones and released a small cry of triumph as I stood up.

'Hi, I'm Bella. It's a pleasure to-'

'No. I refuse to start over. I rather enjoyed our meeting.' He said, still lying on the ground using his elbows to prop himself up, smiling at me angelically.

'Ugh. Fine. There goes my attempt at trying to act like a normal girl.' I said despondently, thoroughly embarrassed.

'Being normal is overrated. Be different and stand out. It'll make you more memorable. I mean, I'll never forget you, that's for sure. Would you, I mean, I'd like it if, what I'm trying to say is, d'ya fancy grabbing a coffee with me?' He said hopefully whilst nervously avoiding my shocked gaze.

'Uhh…Sure…of course. I'd love to.' I mumbled awkwardly, reaching up to run my fingers through my hair, but jabbing myself in the eye accidentally instead.

* * *

'B, we really need to work on your social skills. I think even a fish would have responded better in that situation.' James stared at me aghast, interrupting my story.

'James. You would have been worse. I've seen you around guys. Can you say desperate?' I shot back at him trying not to laugh.

'You. Did. Not. Just. Say. That… You know what this means don't you?' He said threateningly whilst removing his turban.

'Ice cream and cuddles?' I asked hesitantly, fearing for my safety and sanity.

'A thumb war. If I win, you have to take back what you said. If you win, we'll have a pillow fight until you take back what you said.' He said, glaring at me, now toeing off his slippers.

'Uhm…Jamie I don't think that's a-'

'Honey, if you're gonna insult me, you have to learn to deal with the consequences!'

* * *

I flopped onto the couch with my hair ruffled and clothes rumpled. That may have been the work out of the century. In fact, I'm pretty sure James did take it as a work out since he changed into his Juicy Couture tracksuit before our pillow fight. And yes, I am the Jedi master of thumb wars; he had no chance of winning against me.

'B. I…really…hate...you…' James panted, before walking to the bathroom to presumably fix his hair and make up.

'Love you too!' I called after him, too tired to invent a witty reply.

* * *

'B. I'm going to head out and see Quil now! See you when I get back! You know, it's so great that this prison doesn't separate the sexes, good on them! NO MORE GENDER DISCRIMINATION!' He shouted whilst throwing his hands in the air and began 'praising the lord'.

'Jamie, I'm actually starting to get some work done now! These criminals aren't as dangerous or intimidating as the majority of the population perceive them to be. I need to get their voices heard. They deserve to speak rather than be spoken for. I will free them from this injustice!' I said with conviction, whilst pushing my glasses up and adjusting the pencil in my hair.

'Oh and James? I'm sure you'll definitely be heading out. Or rather, getting a head out. If you know what I'm saying! Heh? Heh?' I said teasingly as he left.

All I received in return was a middle finger and the sound of the door shutting.

'Looks like it's just me and you now, hey Mac? Let's see what magic we can make together.' I muttered whilst stroking his keys.

And before you say anything, yes, I talk to my laptop. He understands me and we're simpatico. Although he may become jealous when he realises I have another coffee date coming up tomorrow. Today's was more of a getting-to-know-you session with the typical getting-to-know-you questions. I won't bore you with the details. All I'll say is that we both like mushroom ravioli, my favourite colour is green, his is blue and he was bullshitting his way through his story of how he landed himself in this prison, much like me.

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**A/N. So that's it. Hope you enjoyed it!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Sorry about the wait! Hope you like this chapter :)**

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**BPOV**

'Click, click, click, clickity click click.'

James glanced over my shoulder at the still-blank document I had open and raised an eyebrow sarcastically. 'B. Stop saying the word _click_, it's not going to make words miraculously appear on your page.' He sighed, shaking his head in mock disappointment. 'What the fuck have you been doing the entire time I was with Quil? Please tell me you haven't been wandering around the prison and freaking out the inmates with your Grim Reaper costume. Because there's a specific time for that, and that time is Halloween. Well… Actually, maybe you shouldn't even wear it then…' James trailed off and shuddered, very obviously reliving his scarring memories of my Halloween prank last year.

I shut the lid of my laptop in frustration and turned to face him, preparing to give him my best '_Excuse you, I'm tryi__ng to work here' _glare. However, the sight of him recreating his terrified expression from that night made me snigger despite myself. 'Aww, Jamie. You're the only person who's ever going to have the pleasure of turning into a screeching teenage girl as a result of my amazing pranking skills.' I reached out and patted his shoulder comfortingly.

'B. You traumatized me for life. I was already a damaged child, and now because of you, I'm a damaged adult as well.' James said, shooting me a scathing glare.

'It was actually hilarious, the way your eyes began bulging and how your eyebrows were practically trying to crawl upwards off your face. The best part was-'

'Please don't make me relive those memories. I genuinely thought I was going to die!' James whined, whilst stamping his foot and pouting dramatically. I crossed my arms and leant back in my desk chair, smirking as I silently watched him throw his tantrum. Eventually he gave up trying to make me feel guilty and sunk heavily onto the nearby sofa.

'Anyway, shouldn't you be trying to write your article?' He reminded, and nodded towards my closed computer. 'What happened to that spark of inspiration you'd managed to produce before I left?'

I opened my mouth to retort, but he held up a hand to stop me. 'Oh wait, I totally understand… You were too distracted by flashbacks of your smoking hot date! Oooh, you still need to tell me all about that. As your gay best friend, you're basically required to gush to me about all of your romantic endeavours, good and bad... Oh, that reminds me, I forgot to phone you one hour into your date to offer you an escape route. Hmm, I wonder why that is?' James put a finger to his lip and paused, pretending to think hard about that question. 'Oh yeah,_ because you didn't even tell me about your date before you went on it!_ B, I thought we were friends!' James cocked his hip and began tapping his left foot whilst giving me his perfected 'bitch glare'.

I threw my hands into the air in defeat. 'You know what? Fine. I'll tell you, you little overgrown toddler without a tiara. It was a severely awkward affair and I don't particularly want to remember the specific details, but as my best friend, I guess you should know, huh?' I said somewhat reluctantly, trying to evade his probing gaze.

'Damn straight I should!' James stated before launching himself at me and slobbering all over my face before returning, cross-legged, to the couch and staring at me with equal parts anticipation and excitement.

'Okay. So… Um… Where do I start?'

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_Earlier..._

'Uhh…Sure…of course. I'd love to.' I mumbled awkwardly, reaching up to run my fingers through my hair, but jabbing myself in the eye accidentally instead.

'Wow. You really are a walking disaster-zone' Edward chuckled and looked at me in a way one might look at a platypus that's unable to swim.

'Thanks. Can we head off to the coffee date now? Please?' I felt positively mortified and was trying to hide behind my hair, which was unfortunately in a ponytail. As a result, it looked like I was purposefully trying to give myself a double chin. Great.

'Oh. So it's a date now?' Edward replied, smirking in amusement.

'Oh, fuck my life. This always happens. Have I been friend-zoned again? Or maybe you don't even want to be my friend. Oh Jesus Christ, someone just tranquillise me now.' I rambled uncontrollably whilst hoping my blush would actually allow me to combust on the spot.

'Sweetheart. I'm just messing with you. Your reactions are just so damn entertaining. Of course it's a date. Shall we go?' He smiled, snaking his arm around my waist, allowing his fingers to graze along the skin between my shirt and jeans.

As I was still dazed and confused by this amazingly handsome guy showing interest in what could be awkwardness personified, I allowed myself to be tugged along without any objection. Upon arrival, I realised that he'd actually brought me to a hidden bookshop/bakery/coffee shop which I had yet to discover. I don't think I'll ever understand how this prison has so many facilities.

'So, Bella. What would you like? I'd recommend the Banana Bread with the Belgian Chocolate Core and maybe the Peppermint Mocha with White Chocolate Swirls? They're both delicious and the elderly couple that run this shop are actually adorable. I don't care if you're questioning my masculinity after hearing me refer to an elderly couple as 'adorable'. They really are. There was this one time I caught them playing thumb wars behind the counter whilst sharing a hot chocolate. Now tell me that isn't the cutest thing ever!' He stated seriously whilst fiddling with my fingers absent-mindedly.

'Of course it's adorable. I was just- Ow! Holy fuck shit! Bollocks!' I cried, snatching my hand from his immediately and cradling it against my chest, trying to fight the oncoming tears.

'Bella? Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?' Edward asked frantically, trying to inspect my hand from afar.

'Oh my god, I have this issue with my middle finger where it can't bend more than ninety degrees. All your nervous fidgeting just caused an intense amount of pain to shoot up it. I like to think of it as a sporting injury from flipping people off too much, but Jesus Fucking Christ it really hurts! Ah, bugger!' I began muttering below my breath and hopping like a deranged kangaroo.

'Okay…I'll just leave you to it while I place our order, yeah? I'll just take your vicious cursing as a sign that you'll have what I suggested.' Edward said, walking away backwards towards the counter, waving his hands in an attempt to placate me.

After I had gotten over the initial pain, I scurried around looking for a booth and a book to read. Reflecting back on it now, I realise that reading on a first date isn't exactly a socially acceptable thing to do. But as I am socially awkward, I figured he could make an exception for me. Even if we had only just met.

'So Bella, tell me about yourself. Life story, yada yada yada. You know, typical first date questions and answers.' Edward said, sipping his mocha. I assume he burned his tongue on it, as he then tried to spit out his mouthful as subtly as possible and his face twisted into an expression of obvious repressed pain.

'Well, there's not really much to say.' I said, smiling at him affectionately, grateful that I wasn't the only person on this Earth with less social skills than a pebble.

'Please, carry on while all my tastebuds die and my tongue slowly dissolves.' Edward choked. He opened his mouth wide, panting slightly as he attempted to sooth the burn.

In an attempt to not let on how amusing I was finding his pain, I looked down at my hands, clasped around my own drink, and swallowed hard. _Better make yourself seem interesting, B._ _Don't cock up on your life story. _'Right. Urm, I'm Bella Swan. My name's actually Isabella but it makes me sound either Italian or ballerina-esque, neither of which I am, so I go by Bella. I'm 22 and my best friends are called Alice, Rose and James. You'll definitely meet them at some point, no matter how hard you try to stay hidden, so I won't bother telling you their life stories. I'm sure they'll be extremely happy to do that themselves, anyway. You'll meet Jasper and Emmett too, they're their significant others.'

I risked a peek up at Edward to gauge how boring I was being, and found him staring intently at me. Obviously interested then. Good. _Oh god, his eyes are lovely. No, shut up Bella. _'Erm… What else? Let's see…People usually talk about their favourite things too, don't they? So, my favourite colour's green, my favourite films are Hot Fuzz, Zoolander and Pretty Woman, my favourite food is ravioli. And I'd really like to live in an igloo for one night. Is that everything for the first date covered?' I asked hopefully, ripping off a chunk of my previously neglected banana bread and stuffing it into my mouth.

He nodded, seemingly impressed. 'Yeah. I think that's you covered. So my turn, huh? I'm Edward Anthony Masen, and I'm 24. My best friend is Riley and you'll be meeting him pretty soon, since he's always lurking around the prison somewhere stalking Bree. My favourite colour is blue, I love Hot Fuzz as well and I'm partial to a bit of Michael J. Fox. I'll also reluctantly admit that I own some 'Back to the Future' memorabilia. My mother always said that girls have a soft spot for geeks, but I'm still yet to actually discover any girls that do.' Edward stated forlornly, picking at his own banana bread and looking at me sheepishly.

'Don't be ridiculous. Who doesn't love Marty Mcfly? That hardly counts as geeky!' I told him matter-of-factly, still gorging myself on the slice of banana heaven in front of me.

'Well, I guess that's a relief then! I'll share my even nerdier tendencies at a later date, then. Oh, and we have something in common in the form of mushroom ravioli. So, are you planning on telling me how you ended up in here?'

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'Oh god, B! Did you have to spiel that bullshit about us breaking into the White House again? Because it was absolutely priceless when you told Quil!' James cackled, getting up and wandering into the kitchen to make some chai tea.

'Jamie! It really wasn't very funny. But you know, I think he was lying about his story too. He was saying how he was part of a Russian drug circle and was captured in a drugs raid along with his friend Riley. The story itself seems believable enough, but something in the way he was speaking told me that he was lying. Call it me being observant or female intuition but he was definitely withholding information.' I said thoughtfully, recalling our conversation.

'Well you've got another hot date with him soon haven't you? You can wheedle more information out of him then. This prison is seriously helping us spice up our love lives.' He stopped momentarily to shake his arse in a way that I presumed was meant to be sexy. 'Why didn't you get this assignment before? Maybe then you wouldn't have had to go through your plethora of losers, and _my_ date choices would have been better fucks. Sometimes B, you really ought to think of others. And by others, I mean moi!'

'Alright, alright. Don't get your designer silk boxers in a twist. We'll see how the next date goes. There's still the possibility that he'll be a loser like all the rest. Anyway, I should really try and get some of my assignment done. If my hunch is correct, you'll be inviting Quil round at some point and I definitely won't want to be in this general vicinity when that happens. I dread to think of how thoroughly you'd defile my ears. Therefore, so that I don't face an incomplete assignment when I leave here, you need to leave me alone and let me work. Right now.' I opened up my laptop once again and positioned my fingers back over the keys, desperately wracking my brains for something to write.

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**So there it is! Hope you guys liked it :)**


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